Monday, January 7, 2013
Because I'm Sick With Nothing To Do...
Hello, everyone. Reporting from the sickbed!
I've been sick for almost a week now! Lovely. Thus why there's no Les Miserables film review yet (it. was. EPIC beyond words!!!) or anything like that, as the first few days I was quite too sick to care about what went on beyond my kleenex box. While I'm far from recovery I've recovered enough to delve back into the bloggy world to share a bit of what I've learned this week. Because - surprise - I don't know everything. :) I think in the world of blogging it's easy to forget that the lives we put out for everyone aren't our full lives, that we don't know or have the answer to everything.
You know when you were growing up and someone hurt you, and your mother told you that the Lord is the only one who will always be there? And you know that growing up but you know, He can't answer back or be right there sitting next to you or, you know, interact? And so you rely on other people because they're real, persay, of couse. And time and again they fail you.
Yeah, that's been my life for the past twenty-three years. I've had a good relationship with the Lord. Things have been rocky, especially in the past few years, but there is that core there that knows deep down that He is there caring. And yet I keep putting my trust and my dependence on other people, people who turn around and time and time again fail me. And I'm so distraught every time when I just need to get the lesson in my thick head.
And I think I've finally got it. I just have to let go. Let go and move on. Move on and finally realize that the Lord is really and truly the only One who can satisfy. I know that in my head. I say it, and I really do mean it. But I forget it. And now I realize how true it is.
Years ago, when I was recovering from my first heartbreak, the Lord gave me a passage that has followed me through the rest of my life, in every circumstance that has popped up in each bend of my life's road. "Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:13-14).
Just as the Lord told me years ago to give up my seven-year-long dream of the boy I was crazy about falling in love with me, to leave it behind and move forward to the better life He had planned, I can see now as many close ties are broken and things are changed that move me out of my happy little comfort zone that He is once again asking me to move on. 2013 is, Lord willing, going to be holding many new things for me, things I've never done before, and I don't need those things from the past holding me back. I don't know why at this point and time the Lord is choosing to cut these old ties, but I do know he has a new phase for me, and frankly now I'm quite eager to see what it will hold.
Last year the Lord gave me the verse 1 Corinthians 2:9 - "Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither hath it entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him." In that year, as trial filled as it was, the Lord also brought amazing things into our lives. This year is going to hold even more. Letting go of the people and hurts of the past is the only way to discover them.